Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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