I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
one might say we're banned from that church
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
