the condom got lost in my hair
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
