he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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