i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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