Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
