I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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