dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
