When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
