The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
