Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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