this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
