You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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