Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
