trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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