Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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