you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
