awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
