So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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