My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
