She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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