The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sober January is a disaster.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
