I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
