I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
