ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
