closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
