Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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