You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Houston, we have a blender
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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