I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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