when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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