...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
