After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
