so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
