I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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