you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
