plz talk dirty to me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
