I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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