she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
