My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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