All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
