I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
