why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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