i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
