He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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