I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
