...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
