So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
