I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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