on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
