Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
