fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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