I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
