They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
